S01E04 - Happy Birthday, double trouble! | Echobox Podcast Transcripts
INTRO: Echobox is a fictional retelling of ancient Greek myths. There are countless versions of these stories, with just as many cultural and linguistic nuances. For the sake of storytelling and adaptation, we’ve taken creative liberties and added our own flair to many of the stories. The stories and characters of Echobox are by no means the only versions nor should they be taken as the ‘correct’ ones. Neither should they be taken as an accurate representation of who these deities were and are to their worshippers. Thank you for your help in remaining respectful to deities and practitioners!
Today’s episode features content warnings for mentions of drug and alcohol abuse, sex and explicit homo and biphobia.
[MUSIC FADES IN]
INTRO [cont'd]: Now put some headphones on, sit back, and enjoy the divine drama of episode 4, Happy Birthday, double trouble!
[ALEX PICKS UP THE PHONE]
ALEX: Hi, Mr. Olympus. Is everything okay?
ZEUS: No, everything is absolutely not okay. Do you know where my son is right now?
ALEX: Well, sir, it's... 5:45 in the morning and I don't usually clock in until 8:30 so no, I don't know where your son is right now.
ZEUS: You're not giving me attitude, are you?
ALEX: Of course not, sir.
ZEUS: Good. Because if you expect some neat little schedule, you're never going to make it in this industry. Now, if you don't know where my son is, could you find out? This is the sort of thing I pay you for.
ALEX: Which son, sir?
ZEUS: Who do you think? Apollo, obviously. Last I heard, he broke some pap's camera after destroying the bar at his little birthday bash. Could you just figure out where he is? I'm sure someone on Twitter's already put up grainy pictures of him fucking some random fan on a beach. Arrange his ride home and put him on my schedule for tomorrow afternoon.
ALEX: Sir, doesn't Apollo have his own ridesharing apps? There's not too much I can do from my house.
ZEUS: Then put on some shoes, get in your car, and figure it out.
[PHONE BEEPS. THE CALL IS OVER]
[PEOPLE SHUFFLE INSIDE]
ALEX: Here he is, sir. He didn't want to stop for a change of clothes in his house, but... You wanted him here by eight and I thought it better to bring him to you. You know how he gets when he's had a night like this.
ZEUS: Oh, I know. And what do you have to say for yourself, Apollo?
APOLLO: That I wish you hadn't sent a dog to come pull me out of someone's bed at six in the morning?
ZEUS: And I wish you weren't running around bedding strange men and ruining all the work I've put into you! Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be my son? That I claim you as my own? You'd be living a miserable existence in the middle of the ocean if it weren't for me. Don't keep trying to throw it away because someday I might let you.
APOLLO: Cool. Can I go back to sleep now?
ZEUS: You have an interview at nine!
APOLLO: Oh. So can I hurry up and get to that?
ZEUS: Smelling like you just crawled out of some gay frat house? And dressed like that? Absolutely not.
[ZEUS LETS OUT A EXASPERATED SIGH]
GANYMEDE: Yes, sir?
ZEUS: Take my card. Take Apollo and style him in something more appropriate. Have him in the lobby by 9:15. Fashionably late.
GANYMEDE: Sure thing, sir. We'll stop for coffee and grab something for the reporter too. They always love that. It’ll humanize him.
ZEUS: Perfect. And Apollo?
APOLLO: Yes, dear father?
ZEUS: Don't sleep with this one.
ZEUS [cont'd]: Was there something you needed, Alexandra? Or do I need to dismiss you like a primary schooler?
ALEX: I was wondering if… since... technically, I started work at 5:45 today, I could leave a few hours early?
ZEUS: And then who'll take notes for the 4 o'clock with Subrights? Absolutely not. Figure it out.
ARTEMIS: Is this seat taken?
ALEX: No. Oh! Artemis. Hi. Um- I… I didn't realize you were coming through today. Um. Of course, of course you can sit! Let me, uh. Just. One second.
[ALEX STARTS TO STAND UP, A CHAIR SHUFFLES]
[ARTEMIS LETS OUT A SOFT LAUGHTER]
ARTEMIS: It's okay! Please. Stay. I can have my coffee in my dad's office if it makes it weird. I realize the power imbalance here is kind of crazy. Dad's just. Well- You know Dad.
ALEX: I know. Please stay. You let me know if I make it weird.
ALEX [cont'd]: I… wasn't expecting you here today. Did you have an appointment?
ARTEMIS: Alex, you pick up every time I call about seeing Dad and you keep better track of his schedule than Hermes. I think you'd have known if I was supposed to be here. This was an unexpected visit. I'm just cleaning up messes from last night. I'm sure you know what about. Apollo was spamming my messages from the back of your car.
ALEX: I should have known he was too quiet back there. Sorry. I'll take away his phone next time.
ARTEMIS: Next time?
ALEX: … C'mon, Artemis. We both know your brother. There'll be a next time.
ARTEMIS: You're probably right. Apollo's mastered this routine of his, hasn't he? It's okay, though. I don't mind the 6am selfies. At least that way I know he made it through the night. I know Apollo can be annoying sometimes, but he's still my brother. That's why I came over. I was hoping to see him and talk to Dad. Maybe get him to lay off him a little about last night. I might have been a little harsh. I bet Dad was planning on jumping all over that to use against him.
ALEX: Whatever you said, I'm sure he deserved it.
ARTEMIS: Maybe. But he doesn't deserve Dad using me as a weapon against him. Anyway. I should probably leave you to your coffee break. I bet you don't get much time to rest around here.
ALEX: No! I mean... no, it's okay. You don't have to go. It's kind of nice to have company that isn't asking me about schedules or meeting notes.
ARTEMIS: If you're sure. Let me know if it gets annoying though.
[ARTEMIS TAKES A SIP OF HER COFFE AND GAGS]
ARTEMIS [con't'd]: This coffee really sucks, doesn't it?
ALEX: It tastes better if you started your day chasing down a popstar at sunrise.
ARTEMIS: I bet good coffee will blow your mind right around now then. C'mon. My treat.
ALEX: Oh. Are you sure? You probably have better things to do. And your Dad! You wanted to talk to him, right? He's, uh, he's free right now.
ARTEMIS: My dad can wait. Come on. We're getting coffee.
[ECHOBOX INTRO PLAYS IN UNIVERSE]
ECHO: Welcome back, dear listeners. You can probably take a guess what we're talking about today, right? The darling twins turned 23 this weekend! So what do you do when you live in the city of angels, have more money than god, and half the country either wants to be you or be with you? See, if it was me - a normal person - I would go out with some friends, maybe buy something nice, have a good time. Unfortunately, as we've learned, absolutely no one in the Olympian family is normal. They're just walking bad decisions wrapped up in expensive designer wear and daddy issues. If you went on Twitter or TMZ or the nightly news or really anywhere on the internet in the last few days, you've probably heard about how the twins decided to spend their birthday. In case you live under a rock - which, hit me up if you do, I would love to move in with you and never hear about Olympians again - let's play a quick recap.
[CLICK OF THE MOUSE]
[CLUB MUSIC AND CAMERA CLICKS ON THE BACKGROUND]
PHOTOG 1: Hey, pretty boy! What was that crashing everyone heard in there? Are your eyes red from drugs or crying? Wanna make a comment before any of my coworkers blow it out of proportion?
APOLLO: Fuck you.
[FOOTSTEPS, THE PHOTOGRAPHERS ARE WALKING AFTER APOLLO]
PHOTOG 2: Careful there, man, Apollo fucks anything with a pulse.
APOLLO: You think you're funny, bro? Fuck off.
[HE SHOVES THE PHOTOGRAPHER, HIS CAMERA FALLS TO THE GROUND AND CRASHES]
ARTEMIS [to the photographer]: Ignore him, he's drunk. We'll get your camera replaced. Sorry about that.
PHOTOG 2: Guess Zeus Jr. is as unstable as his dad, huh?
APOLLO: Man, you're just pissed 'cause you couldn't get a real job. Have fun harassing people hotter than you at clubs you'll never fucking get into, dickhead.
ARTEMIS: You make it really hard to defend you, you know? Can you just come back inside? I know he's being an ass, but we can have one night just to enjoy ourselves.
APOLLO: Fuck that, Artemis. How's that song go? It's my party and I'll cry if I want to? I think I'll go do that or whatever.
[APOLLO WALKS AWAY]
ARTEMIS: It's my party too, asshole!
[CLICK OF THE MOUSE. CLIP ENDS.]
ECHO: Artemis, on the off chance you're listening to this: here's a word of advice. Don't bother. Some boys aren't worth all the effort and your asshole brother definitely isn't. I know half of you probably grew up on his boyband days and have his posters on the wall, but if there's one thing you've learned from all this, it's that none of those Olympians are what they seem. That sensitive soft boy image everyone fell in love with? It's as manufactured as everything else in this town.
ECHO [cont'd]: Don't take my word for it, just go watch that video clip again. Or any of the hundred other times he got 'drunk' and lashed out at someone. Which, by the way, you don't all really believe it's just alcohol he's drinking, right? I'm surprised Apollo can walk in a straight line with all the drugs in him. Why do you think he goes backstage in the middle of his shows so often? I don't think that boy can go a full day without getting coked up. And any of his exes talking about how he really is that sweet or he wrote them a song or whatever? I promise, he only does it to get close to people then tear them apart. Just like every other man in this town.
ECHO [cont'd]: But Echo, you say, he's clearly bi! He's our our smol bisexual king that must be protected at all costs! Ha. I won't say you're wrong there, but that just means he can manipulate twice as many people in this town. So, no, Artemis, I don't think you should worry about your brother too much. He's a big boy. If you're lucky, all the weed and coke will damage those precious vocal chords of his and he'll stop terrorizing every reporter in the city.
Though, I wish he just left it at terrorizing reporters. No, dear listener, because darling Apollo can't leave it there, can he? He's his father's son after all. Sensitive soft boy Apollo headed straight from that club onto someone's dick. Not at his big fancy mansion or one of his many cars. No, Apollo wound up at a beach with some surfer twink he found on the way.
For Hermes' sake, I think this is the part where I'm supposed to mention that Apollo allegedly hooked up with a surfer twink and he was allegedly high and he allegedly fucked on a beach.
ECHO [cont'd]: Pure speculation, of course. All we know is he came out of a club, showed up half an hour later on a beach with some guy in nothing but swimming shorts, and disappeared behind some rocks. There's some grainy video on Twitter somewhere. You can't see much, but you can definitely hear. Unfortunately, this episode would probably get taken down if I tried to share it on here. But hey. Allegedly.
ECHO [cont'd]: Then off he got carted away in his Tesla chariot to sleep it off. Or go somewhere private for his next hook up. Who knows at this point. Whatever Sunshine Boy did, it definitely wasn't taking that poor kid out to brunch. Have you ever noticed that about Apollo? He's happy to wave a flag around in June or play the pronoun game with interviewers, but when's the last time you saw him out with another guy? Or going to an awards show with someone who's not a drop dead gorgeous cis woman?
ECHO [cont'd]: Look, I'm not saying he's not bi. Clearly, Apollo doesn't have very many standards when it comes to attraction and will sleep with just about anyone. I'm just saying it's really convenient how other people on his label get tossed out when they're anything less than sweet, perfect straight boys with equally sweet, perfect girlfriends, but the King's son can run around getting handsy with other boys in public, so long as he never lets anyone spot him in the daylight with them. He's like a gay Cinderella! If Cinderella was getting a marketing boost every time someone wrote real people fic about her and her bandmates.
ECHO [cont'd]: So hey, congrats, Apollo! You really won the gene lottery by being oh so conveniently attractive to teen girls obsessed with gay men everywhere, but not so gay your dad has to fire you. I know Daddy won't tell you he's proud, so I'll say it...
ECHO [cont'd]: No, never mind, I don't think I will. Before you all get mad at me about how his management silences him or he's been in secret gay love with his drummer for years or he's actually dying to be an activist but not allowed, I'll remind you that his father owns the company he records for. He's been set up for success since the day he was born and if he really wanted to, there's not much that could stop him from being out and proud and using his voice to support people less privileged than he is. His sister did it, didn't she? Artemis decided being pushed in a glass closet by her dad was too exhausting and that it wasn't worth the record deal to be his little representative, so you know what she did?
ECHO [cont'd]: She picked up and left so no one could tell her what to do. So don't tell me that Apollo's some helpless little boy with no choice in all of this. But I guess to fight back against the King you're kind of required not to be a coward and that's exactly what darling Apollo is. So... Happy birthday, twins! I hope you had a good birthday, Artemis. I hope you wound up enjoying your night without your useless brother. And Apollo? I hope you didn't catch an STD. A little free advice for the both of you as you enter the scary world of 23. Artemis, keep doing you and showing that it's not that hard to speak your mind and take a stance. Apollo, maybe consider growing a pair.
[ECHOBOX OUTRO SONG PLAYS IN UNIVERSE]
ECHO [cont'd]: That's all for tonight, dear listener. You've been listening to Echobox. I'm Echo, logging off.
Echobox is written and produced by the Echobox Podcast Team. This episode stars, in order of appearance, Isabella Sales as Alex/Echo, Damon Alums as Zeus, Sebastián Ponsa Nazario as Apollo, Killian Willard as Ganymede and paparazzis and Juliana Gutiérrez Arango as Artemis. It was written by Sebastián Ponsa Nazario. Audio and sound design by Corienne Swanson, Meg Mckellar and Marianna Marcon. Logo design by Lucas Eduardo Bueno and website by Andy Cerdan.
The music we used today was Ethernight Club and Magic Scout Cottages by Kevin McLeod, licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 from creativecommons.org/by/3.0.
Transcripts for this episode and others can be found on our website by transcriber Maxwell Caetano. Our website also has additional in-universe content and ways to get in contact with us. Visit echoboxpod.net or check the show notes for a link.
Echobox is created out of love for storytelling and provided at no profit to us. Your feedback is our reward! Reach out on our website or find us as echoboxpod across social media.
If you liked the episode, let us know and share with a friend! You can also drop us a review at Apple Podcasts to help us grow. We would love to hear your thoughts on it.
Thank you for listening. Until next time, dear listeners.